How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
