nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize