I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
