We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
