My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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