you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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