you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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