If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
