I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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