i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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