What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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