so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
