i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
