so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize