Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize