I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
