he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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