Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
