I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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