Your dad touched me again.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
