This is not my ceiling
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
