Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
