non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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