Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think your dad took our porno
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
