I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
