Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
