after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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