Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she woke up with a sticky ear
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
