he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
