ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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