The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
