We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize