I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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