Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm getting married
To pizza
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize