do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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