Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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