you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Life is so much better after having sex.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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