Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
