Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
