Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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