I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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