Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
