At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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