my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
