The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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