remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
