About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize