Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need a beard to bite.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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