yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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