u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
