yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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