This is not my ceiling
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
