Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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