dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
