I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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