she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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