You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
