remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
