i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
