I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
