If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
