Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just googled if crying burns calories
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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