I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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