And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize