I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
