So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
