so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
