we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize