Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You can't just leave with hair like that
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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