I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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