the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize