i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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