omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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