You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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