If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
