All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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