Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
