I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
