I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
