You made me cry and you don't even care
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
