how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You made out with two different species that night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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