the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
