a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
