how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
