i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
