when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
