End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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