Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just want nice things and good sex
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
