There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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