Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
