i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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