Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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