their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
