How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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