He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
