About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
