Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
