Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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