Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
