i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
