Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
