6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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