Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
