Do you still have your period?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
