I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize