I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
