Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
