Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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