Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
