I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
